Let’s talk about “frape” Sunday, Mar 17 2013 

Okay.  I’ll try to explain how I feel when a casual attitude toward rape is exhibited.  This includes “frape”, “trape” and other casual references & jokes about rape.

Most people would agree that rape is horrible & wrong.  I’m not trying to make everyone out to be monsters who think that rape is okay.  It’s become so common today, however, to “frape” or “trape” someone or to “rape” them in a game.  These are casual references to rape and people laugh at it because no one’s actually getting hurt.

They don’t realise it does hurt someone.  It hurts victims of rape.  Every, single time.

Rape is not funny.  Not at all.  If you’ve been raped, you need not read further because you know how I feel.  You have my deepest, deepest sympathy.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but the guy who did it to me.

Imagine.  Imagine how awful it would feel to be raped.  A friend waited until you were alone and in one minute, your whole life changed.  All power was taken away from you.  You were hurt physically.  You were hurt much, much deeper emotionally.

Now imagine, having experienced such a horrific, life-changing event, that you see people saying, “Omg, dude, we raped the shit out of them,” when they actually mean that they beat the other team in a game.  Or you see people laughing about their friends “fraping” them when they actually mean that their friend wrote something funny on Facebook pretending to be them.

It brings you back to those horrible feelings of when you were raped.  You feel shamed, dirty, helpless and angry all over again.  Every time.

If you think that you can’t use an alternative word/phrase because no one would understand what you meant, you’re lazy and insensitive.  Did anyone have to explain to you what they meant the first time you saw someone say, “Haha! Fraped,” on someone’s Facebook status?  Chances are, you understood what happened without explanation.

Be creative.  Come up with another word.  “Fhacking” maybe?  You can be creative & have fun with it.  I’m not trying to be a party-pooper.  I’m not trying to be an over-dramatic bitch.  I’m just trying to help you understand how hurtful it is when you say these things.  Please stop saying them.  Please encourage your friends/followers to do the same.

Thank you.


Edited to include a link for further reading.

The careless language of sexual violence


Something I’m really excited about Friday, May 11 2012 

Firstly, I know… I know… I’m an awful blogger. I haven’t updated in about a year. Really I thought I was going to abandon this blog, but I typed up an email to my mum just now & thought it was worth sharing with the whole Internet.
Here’s the email in its entirety.

Hey Mum,
I just found this really cool project called Class Realm on Kickstarter. Kickstarter is a website that helps people raise funding to make their project ideas a reality. Class Realm turns classroom learning into a game. With interest in role-playing games spreading like wildfire, this is such a cool idea! It’ll help kids engage & make their education feel relevant rather than something that adults who care nothing about them are forcing on them because the law requires it.
I’m sure you know it’s the end of Teacher Appreciation Week. On Twitter, the only people saying good things about their teachers were adults. School-aged kids were being your typical brats. Some of them may have a point, though. They were saying that their teachers don’t listen to them & don’t care about them. They were also saying that school is so boring. Kids had the same attitudes when I was in school. Why do they find it boring? In my opinion, it’s because the material doesn’t feel remotely relevant to them. I remember a few classes that students really enjoyed & those were classes where the teacher was kind & passionate; they clearly cared about the students & they listened & interacted with them rather than just lecturing at them. They also made the material relevant to the kids. They made it applicable to our lives (at the moment… not “this will help you in the future”) & interesting. School-aged children are young. They haven’t been around long enough to really understand or care about the future. The NOW is what’s important. So what’s relevant & exciting now? Games. Almost everyone plays games. Almost everyone has an Xbox, PS3, or a Wii at home. Role-playing games (RPGs) are one of the most popular types of games. Almost everyone enjoys stepping into the role of a hero that shapes the world around them. RPGs activate the imagination & boost the ego. People want to feel good about themselves. When they’re able to kill all the bad guys & save the kingdom, they feel amazing! It makes so much sense to bring this type of game-play into the classroom. Stretch kids’ imaginations… make their learning feel relevant to them now, but also know that it will help them in the future (shh keep that part a secret :P)… make them feel good about themselves & the role they’ve played in their education. I think this project is amazing & really think it should be picked up by teachers everywhere.

Wow I didn’t sit down with the intent to write that much. Really I was just going to send you a link & say, “Cool! Look!” But this is a lot more exciting than that. Hope you can pass it around & help the project see reality. When it becomes a reality (and I know it will because it’s so awesome), I hope they will use it in their classrooms to get kids excited about learning again. Here’s the link: ClassRealm

I hope you guys will share my enthusiasm for this project. If you’re as excited as I am, please pass it around. This is one of the coolest things I’ve seen in years.

Edit:  I’m a noob.  Link has been fixt.  🙂

Another SoC Sunday Sunday, Dec 5 2010 

Oopsies.  It’s been too long since I updated.  I’ve just been so busy I haven’t realy had much time.

So what’s new?  Quite a bit.  I’m feeling less guilty about my uncle.  I’ve got a job now.  So things seem to be working themselves out.  my job is a temp job, but it’s work.  Money is money.  It gets me out of the house during the day so my hubby can sleep.  He still doens’t sleep very well, but I know it’s not my fault anymore.  Once I get a permanent job, he can find a job with regualar working hours.  I can’t wait for that day to come.  It’s so strange now goign to bed without him at night, seeing him for a few minutes in the morning, and then heading off to work.  Then I come home, see him a few minutes, and he heads off to his job.

At least I feel productive now.  I’m actually contributing something other than household cleaning and laundry service to our household.  It feels nice.

I like my job.  the people I work with are super nice and really fun.  I make calls to companies trying to set up appointments to sell them IT security stuff.  It’s fun to be talking about geeky things at work again.  I’ve missed getting to talk about VPNs, IPS, and all that good stuff on the job.  Brings me back to the days I worked ni IT at uni.  Except at this job, I’m just talking to people.  I don’t actually get to do

If you want to do your own Stream of Consciousness Sunday blog post, here’s how!

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post to the All Things Fadra blog.  You can get there by clicking on my SoC Sunday badge.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Edit: It seems the SoC Sunday badge isn’t working properly. Here’s the link for the blog you need to go to.
All Things Fadra

Stream of Consciousness Sunday Sunday, Nov 21 2010 

I’m going to try something new today.  This is stream of consciousness Sunday where you write whatever’s on your mind.

So here are some things that have been keeping me awake at night.

My uncle’s death.  I really miss him and I have a lot of guilt about not being back home when he died or even being able to afford to fly home for the funeral.

Getting a job.  I feel guilty that I’m not contributing money to our household.  I do the best I can around the house… washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking… all that good stuff.  It just doesn’t feel like enough.

Letting my husband sleep.  He works nights so he has to sleep during the day.  I feel like I can’t do anything around the house because I have to be silent so he can sleep.  I can’t even go to sleep with him because I keep him awake talking in my sleep and making noises & such.  I was so tired earlier I slept on the floor.  He felt really bad when he woke up.  We had a talk and he said he’d rather sleep with me and have trouble getting sleep than know I was sleeping on the floor.  I wish he could get a 9 to 5 job so he could sleep at night.  I think that would help things.  It would also help if I got a job.  *sigh*

Missing my family


Culture shock: My new life Tuesday, Nov 2 2010 

Well I’m all set up in England.  Sorry for the disappearance.  We moved into our flat on Oct. 20 & didn’t get Internet until Oct. 28.  I’ve already had a bit of culture shock… brought on by, of all things, an electric toothbrush.  It’s rechargeable, but I wasn’t aware that it didn’t have a normal plug (like this) when I bought it.  I opened it up to find that, no, it plugs into one of these crazy things.  This led to the realisation that the bathroom in our flat actually does not have one single electric outlet in it!  I sat on the floor looking under the sink in hopes that an outlet was hidden under there.  Then, I got a little grumpy and wondered what bathroom does not have an outlet in it?!  I have never seen a bathroom that didn’t have at least one outlet.  Thankfully I’ve found out there are adapters that will allow me to use the 2 rounded prong plug in a standard outlet.  Crisis over for now.  Wonder what I’ll find next.

Very important message Thursday, Sep 30 2010 

I wouldn’t normally post twice in one day, but I just saw this clip on the Ellen DeGeneres Show.  It’s a message from her in response to the heartbreaking number of people that have committed suicide because of bullying recently.  This is so very important.  Please take a few minutes to watch the clip and then pass it on.  Bullying comes from insecurity and ignorance.  We can help fix those problems by talking with our friends, coworkers, children… everyone we know.  Whether you believe in gay rights or not, they’re still PEOPLE.  You don’t have to tiptoe around them.  Just treat them with respect and like you would any other person in your life.

An Important Message From Ellen

Cha cha cha changes Thursday, Sep 30 2010 

Well my flights have been booked.  I’ll be flying out on Oct. 7 and arriving in England on Oct. 8.  Then I will begin a whole new life.  Scary thought!  I’m filled with a whole flurry of bipolar emotions.  I knew the day was coming but until I got my visa in the mail about a little over a week ago, it didn’t really hit me.  When that settlement visa came and was in my hands, it really started to sink in.  I’m leaving my entire life in America and moving to England.  Sure, I’ve visited England quite a few times, but I’ve never stayed there for more than a month at a time.  This is going to be very different… an adventure and a culture shock.

Instead of a resume, I’ll need to have a CV.  My husband says it’s the same thing, but I know there must be a different format and slightly different rules that I haven’t figured out.  This has caused quite a bit of stress… being so unsure of everything.  Uncertainty has been more stressful than all the money I’ve had to fork out and the immense amount of paperwork I’ve had to work through.  Will I fit in over there?  Will I be able to get a job?  I know I’m qualified, but will I be seen as a stupid American hick despite what my CV says?

I’ve only seen the flat we’ll be living in through pictures my husband e-mailed to me.  What if I don’t like it?  It looks really small in the pictures.  Is it really that small?  Or worse… is it even smaller than it appears in the pictures?

My in-laws are amazing, though.  Most people complain about their in-laws.  There are many jokes about horrible in-laws, especially meddling mother-in-laws.  I get along with my in-laws wonderfully.  I take comfort knowing that I won’t be completely alone over there.  I have a fantastic husband who will help me if I need it and I know my in-laws would be willing to help me out as well.  So I know it’ll all be okay.  There’s still so much uncertainty that I can’t help but feel quite anxious about it all.  My main concern is employment.  I really hope I’ll be taken seriously and not dismissed just because I’m an American, particularly an American from south Georgia.

Dividing a nation… separating a community Tuesday, Sep 21 2010 

This is just going to be a quick post about a thought I had a little earlier.  I wonder if all these prefixes we put before “American” are harming our nation’s unity.  I think they’re more destructive than intended.  Heritage is wonderful and I agree with celebrating it, but I don’t think it’s doing anything to help us become united when we’re so determined to separate ourselves by putting a prefix before our “American” title.  I don’t call myself an English-American or a German-American.  Why does the melting pot have to be so divided?  We’re a big vat of everything and that’s what makes America awesome.  We’re not a little vat of nickel, a little vat of silver, and a little vat of gold that happen to be in the same refinery.  No we’re nickel and silver and gold and all that great stuff all mixed together.

Then this makes me wonder if I’m doing more harm than I intend by identifying myself as a “super girly gamer chick”.  I suppose I should just be a gamer.  Yeah I happen to be super girly and a chick, but I shouldn’t let that partially separate myself from the gaming community.  We’re all gamers.  That’s it.  Right?  I suppose I’ve got some soul-searching to do.

For the dogs Sunday, Sep 19 2010 

As a nice kickoff for my new blog, I thought I’d write a post for a charitable cause.

For writing this blog post, Pedigree will donate a twenty pound bag of their new Healthy Longetivity Food for Dogs to a shelter!  I encourage you to write your own post for the cause.

  • Every year, over 4 million dogs end up in shelters & breed rescue organisations.  The PEDIGREE® Adoption Drive is working to bring awareness to homeless dogs in need of a “forever family”.
  • You can help by writing a blog post about the PEDIGREE® Adoption Drive & then going to this site to make your post count.  Today, September 19, is the last day!
  • You can also help by “liking” the PEDIGREE® Adoption Drive Facebook page.  Over a million bowls of dog food have been donated so far!

Thanks for reading.  I hope you’ll help out this good cause.  Also, please remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.  You can help prevent pet overpopulation.