Let’s talk about “frape” Sunday, Mar 17 2013 

Okay.  I’ll try to explain how I feel when a casual attitude toward rape is exhibited.  This includes “frape”, “trape” and other casual references & jokes about rape.

Most people would agree that rape is horrible & wrong.  I’m not trying to make everyone out to be monsters who think that rape is okay.  It’s become so common today, however, to “frape” or “trape” someone or to “rape” them in a game.  These are casual references to rape and people laugh at it because no one’s actually getting hurt.

They don’t realise it does hurt someone.  It hurts victims of rape.  Every, single time.

Rape is not funny.  Not at all.  If you’ve been raped, you need not read further because you know how I feel.  You have my deepest, deepest sympathy.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but the guy who did it to me.

Imagine.  Imagine how awful it would feel to be raped.  A friend waited until you were alone and in one minute, your whole life changed.  All power was taken away from you.  You were hurt physically.  You were hurt much, much deeper emotionally.

Now imagine, having experienced such a horrific, life-changing event, that you see people saying, “Omg, dude, we raped the shit out of them,” when they actually mean that they beat the other team in a game.  Or you see people laughing about their friends “fraping” them when they actually mean that their friend wrote something funny on Facebook pretending to be them.

It brings you back to those horrible feelings of when you were raped.  You feel shamed, dirty, helpless and angry all over again.  Every time.

If you think that you can’t use an alternative word/phrase because no one would understand what you meant, you’re lazy and insensitive.  Did anyone have to explain to you what they meant the first time you saw someone say, “Haha! Fraped,” on someone’s Facebook status?  Chances are, you understood what happened without explanation.

Be creative.  Come up with another word.  “Fhacking” maybe?  You can be creative & have fun with it.  I’m not trying to be a party-pooper.  I’m not trying to be an over-dramatic bitch.  I’m just trying to help you understand how hurtful it is when you say these things.  Please stop saying them.  Please encourage your friends/followers to do the same.

Thank you.


Edited to include a link for further reading.

The careless language of sexual violence


Another SoC Sunday Sunday, Dec 5 2010 

Oopsies.  It’s been too long since I updated.  I’ve just been so busy I haven’t realy had much time.

So what’s new?  Quite a bit.  I’m feeling less guilty about my uncle.  I’ve got a job now.  So things seem to be working themselves out.  my job is a temp job, but it’s work.  Money is money.  It gets me out of the house during the day so my hubby can sleep.  He still doens’t sleep very well, but I know it’s not my fault anymore.  Once I get a permanent job, he can find a job with regualar working hours.  I can’t wait for that day to come.  It’s so strange now goign to bed without him at night, seeing him for a few minutes in the morning, and then heading off to work.  Then I come home, see him a few minutes, and he heads off to his job.

At least I feel productive now.  I’m actually contributing something other than household cleaning and laundry service to our household.  It feels nice.

I like my job.  the people I work with are super nice and really fun.  I make calls to companies trying to set up appointments to sell them IT security stuff.  It’s fun to be talking about geeky things at work again.  I’ve missed getting to talk about VPNs, IPS, and all that good stuff on the job.  Brings me back to the days I worked ni IT at uni.  Except at this job, I’m just talking to people.  I don’t actually get to do

If you want to do your own Stream of Consciousness Sunday blog post, here’s how!

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post to the All Things Fadra blog.  You can get there by clicking on my SoC Sunday badge.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Edit: It seems the SoC Sunday badge isn’t working properly. Here’s the link for the blog you need to go to.
All Things Fadra

Stream of Consciousness Sunday Sunday, Nov 21 2010 

I’m going to try something new today.  This is stream of consciousness Sunday where you write whatever’s on your mind.

So here are some things that have been keeping me awake at night.

My uncle’s death.  I really miss him and I have a lot of guilt about not being back home when he died or even being able to afford to fly home for the funeral.

Getting a job.  I feel guilty that I’m not contributing money to our household.  I do the best I can around the house… washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking… all that good stuff.  It just doesn’t feel like enough.

Letting my husband sleep.  He works nights so he has to sleep during the day.  I feel like I can’t do anything around the house because I have to be silent so he can sleep.  I can’t even go to sleep with him because I keep him awake talking in my sleep and making noises & such.  I was so tired earlier I slept on the floor.  He felt really bad when he woke up.  We had a talk and he said he’d rather sleep with me and have trouble getting sleep than know I was sleeping on the floor.  I wish he could get a 9 to 5 job so he could sleep at night.  I think that would help things.  It would also help if I got a job.  *sigh*

Missing my family


Culture shock: My new life Tuesday, Nov 2 2010 

Well I’m all set up in England.  Sorry for the disappearance.  We moved into our flat on Oct. 20 & didn’t get Internet until Oct. 28.  I’ve already had a bit of culture shock… brought on by, of all things, an electric toothbrush.  It’s rechargeable, but I wasn’t aware that it didn’t have a normal plug (like this) when I bought it.  I opened it up to find that, no, it plugs into one of these crazy things.  This led to the realisation that the bathroom in our flat actually does not have one single electric outlet in it!  I sat on the floor looking under the sink in hopes that an outlet was hidden under there.  Then, I got a little grumpy and wondered what bathroom does not have an outlet in it?!  I have never seen a bathroom that didn’t have at least one outlet.  Thankfully I’ve found out there are adapters that will allow me to use the 2 rounded prong plug in a standard outlet.  Crisis over for now.  Wonder what I’ll find next.

Cha cha cha changes Thursday, Sep 30 2010 

Well my flights have been booked.  I’ll be flying out on Oct. 7 and arriving in England on Oct. 8.  Then I will begin a whole new life.  Scary thought!  I’m filled with a whole flurry of bipolar emotions.  I knew the day was coming but until I got my visa in the mail about a little over a week ago, it didn’t really hit me.  When that settlement visa came and was in my hands, it really started to sink in.  I’m leaving my entire life in America and moving to England.  Sure, I’ve visited England quite a few times, but I’ve never stayed there for more than a month at a time.  This is going to be very different… an adventure and a culture shock.

Instead of a resume, I’ll need to have a CV.  My husband says it’s the same thing, but I know there must be a different format and slightly different rules that I haven’t figured out.  This has caused quite a bit of stress… being so unsure of everything.  Uncertainty has been more stressful than all the money I’ve had to fork out and the immense amount of paperwork I’ve had to work through.  Will I fit in over there?  Will I be able to get a job?  I know I’m qualified, but will I be seen as a stupid American hick despite what my CV says?

I’ve only seen the flat we’ll be living in through pictures my husband e-mailed to me.  What if I don’t like it?  It looks really small in the pictures.  Is it really that small?  Or worse… is it even smaller than it appears in the pictures?

My in-laws are amazing, though.  Most people complain about their in-laws.  There are many jokes about horrible in-laws, especially meddling mother-in-laws.  I get along with my in-laws wonderfully.  I take comfort knowing that I won’t be completely alone over there.  I have a fantastic husband who will help me if I need it and I know my in-laws would be willing to help me out as well.  So I know it’ll all be okay.  There’s still so much uncertainty that I can’t help but feel quite anxious about it all.  My main concern is employment.  I really hope I’ll be taken seriously and not dismissed just because I’m an American, particularly an American from south Georgia.